literature

firsts...

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DeAtH-19-aNgEl's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

As I looked in your eyes
As I fell more and more deeply in love
As I firstly understood what a crush is
You're my first crush
As I touched your hand
As I felt so safe between your arms
As you wiped away my tears
You're my first love
As you started hating me
As you started ignoring me
As you started hurting me
You're my first heart breaker
As you let go my hand
As you left me behind
As you stole my soul
As you walked away
You're my first and last love….
thankss foor readiing xD
what you think i should add to this?? did it describe the feeling pretty well??
:glomp:
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Comments59
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honeyroastedfrost's avatar
I'm not sure about adding anything. Maybe it needs a change; the word 'as' doesn't seem to work very well in here, because you switch so abruptly from the past tense to the present, the word 'as' it makes the poem seem kind of clumsy, to me.

Sorry if I'm not being very clear. Not exactly the best explainer in the world.